HELLO EVERYONE,

Well the way I understand it, Noah was allowed to look over from the mountains to the “Promise Land,” and it was good, but he never got to go there. Dr. Martin Luther King always talked about getting to the “Promised Land,” of racial equality, but he knew, and told his followers shortly before his passing, he would never see it.

As for the Lake Party last week, we saw the Promised Land, we got right in the middle of it, and not only was it beautiful, it was “D—m Good!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whoever, or whomever, went to the Lake Party at Bobbie and Chris Witt’s Blue Springs Hunting Club in Georgia last week will understand why Noah and Dr. King had to be a little envious. Our party was at one of the prettiest sites around with acres of sunflowers, and three lakes to look at while you drank beer, painkillers or any other alcoholic concoction available and in an air conditioned clubhouse.

Three cheers and a happy Hi-Ho Silver to Bobbi and Chris who were the best hosts and thanks to everyone that made the party wonderful day for the club. It was great day but, overall l think nature’s beauty of the Hunt Club was "the prettiest girl at the dance.”

It was a very good time.  However, there was no Bud Light, Miller Lite, or Michelob Ultra to be found. We will do better next time.

August

Remember, next month we have a SUP Party (Stand Up Paddle Board) for everyone to attend and Rock Creek Outfitters will bring their supply of rental paddle boards to the lake at Jan Wyatt’s subdivision club house. Look for the directions and this should be another great day to enjoy the hot days on the water before the end of summer. We would be the most bigoted of people if we did not enjoy the other seasons of the year even though winter is the best.

 “Son of a son, son of a son, son of a son of a ski club……”

For the past couple of years, this is the time that I have fun.  I always try and write about something I think is funny, and on a rare occasion say something serious. Well this time I hope to be sort of all over the latter.

John Neblett has given his all to the club and we, I mean everyone in the club, have benefited from his actions, in some form or fashion, over the past twenty some odd years. As I said at the lake party, it is a rare person who will go and risk their life for duty and honor in the service of their country. It is also a rare individual who will give their all to an organization with time, effort, and service and only receive in return, memories of seeing others have good times that the same individual helped make happen. Doing for others is what John always did and in return he got a couple of “ atta boys,” and “way to go,” time and time again.

We need to be thankful that John like to snow ski and got membership in our club. He could have put his time and efforts in one of the following local clubs:

• 1.     Tennessee Valley Canoe Club;
• 2.     Chattanooga Chess and Chevrolet Mud Truck Racing Club;
• 3.     Tri-State Rear-End Shaving and Cushy Motorcycle Seat Club;
• 4.     The Tennessee Perpetual Date Night Club (meetings every night); or
• 5.     The Nude Mexican Telephone Workers Men’s Club of South Chickamauga;  

I am sure he would have given his all to any of the above clubs as well but we are thankful he chose ours.

Since as President of the Club, I have no power, no authority, and no right to do anything. I will however do an Executive Order giving a social title to an individual with the Club who goes beyond the call of duty and deserves recognition.  Even though John is not going anywhere I thought it would be proper to attach the executive order to this column to let everyone again hopefully have a little giggle because it is all true. Here it is:    

                         EXECUTIVE ORDER

I, Ashley L. Ownby, ESQUIRE, COUNTRY GENTLEMAN, standing president of the Chattanooga ski club, recognized as a non-profit social club by The Great State of Tennessee and the Internal Revenue Service of the United States of America, hereby take the following action based upon the powers AND supremacies vested in me regarding the following ski club member:

Be it known to all the following:

1. JOHN BLAIR NEBLETT has been a member in good standing for many years with the aforementioned Chattanooga Ski Club;

2. During his time of membership with the ski club, he has held every executive office of leadership the club with the exception of treasurer of which office he did not hold due to his keeping of checks paid to him for ski trips in paper bags, socks, valises, and assorted personal underwear during his time as a trip leader for the same club;

3. Also during his time of membership with the club, he has dated every single female member of the club and a good portion of the married female members of the club whenever their spouses were out of town for business or pleasure;

4. Further, while on ski trips with the ski club, he would always find time to teach new skiers the basics of beginning snow skiing. This would always occur on a western trip if the new skier met certain qualifications being the following: (1) they were female, (2) they were good looking, AND (3) they were either single or married and their husband was not on the same trip. He would further make certain that after the new skier met his qualifications for a free lesson, and then, after he had given the new skier a basic ski lesson, he would always insist they take an early exit from the slopes at noon so they could have drinks all afternoon and he would further entice the new skier with provocative conversation;

5. This same member who has dealt for years the terrible disease of diabetes and has been known to compare himself with insulin injections telling female ski club members that both he and the injections are similar in they both ”just hurt so good;”

6. Moreover, this same member would on many occasions look individuals in the eye with the same conviction as our national president and say with confidence, “drinking alcohol has no effect on my diabetes in any way;”

7. Additionally, This is the same man who has become a repository for Larry Plemmons stories with the ski club and needs only three shots of Fireball whiskey to relay the same Plemmons stories to all who will listen on any western or European club ski trip;

8. Further, AS a motorcycle rider, this man has coordinated numerous rides with ski club members, claims to owe his existence and sole being to Harley Davidson motorcycles, but rides a Honda Gold Wing due to one reason and one reason only, the rear seat is liked better by the ladies;

9. Additionally this man is the only male with the Chattanooga ski club who will take his girlfriends on ski trips but will only share a room with James Mullenix;

10. Furthermore, this man has consistently roomed with James Mullenix on all ski trips religiously, and this has only been interrupted on very rare, very infrequent, almost never times James Mullenix took his own girlfriend on a ski trip;

11. This man has always religiously used the same pickup line on any females he would meet on ski trips being, “Hey good-looking, if you and your roommate come to visit Jim and me tonight at our condo, I will make some deviled eggs;”

12. Last but not least, this mountain of a man, the epitome of giving to others, and the most intelligent of souls always sacrificed his time, his finances, his energies, his brilliant memory, and maybe a portion of his health insuring that all ski club events, meetings, and parties were properly arranged, organized, and ready for the benefit of other ski club members, being the first to show up for the same type of activities, working the entire event for other members benefit, and then always being the last to go home from the activity after cleaning up and breaking down any set-up for the same get-together.

WHERFORE, and WHEREAS:

I. Based upon the above statements of acts, statements, and selfless works performed for the benefit of others during his time with the same ski club;

II. Based upon his holding of leadership positions with the same club and taking actions to insure the same club as of today is a successful vibrant entity for flatland hillbillies who enjoy snow skiing and travel;

I, as President of the Chattanooga Ski Club, bestow upon John Blair Neblett, for his service to the same club, a non-profit corporation organized under the laws of the great State of Tennessee, and also recognized by the UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT as a proper 503(c) corporation, with all the powers vested therein, I hereby name and bestow the title to John Blair Neblett, that from this date forward he shall claim the following as his proper title with the Chattanooga ski club as follows:

John Blair Neblett

“Fils de France, Et un fils du club de ski Chattanooga”

              (Son of France, and son of the Chattanooga ski club)

He is hereby from this day forward entitled to all the rights and benefits that are due him by this evidence of this title.

This 15th day of July, in the year of our Lord, 2017.

Ashley L. Ownby

President, Chattanooga ski club

See you at the next meeting,